I should be sponsored by Trojan
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
