You're my little dorito
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
