i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
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