I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
