3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
