I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
