I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
