Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize