peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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