You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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