I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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