I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
