I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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