i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
areolas are like halos for boobs.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
