The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize