mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
