Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
