I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
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i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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