i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
