Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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