I love having hate sex.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
