I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
