i don't like sucking hair
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
