VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
