just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
