I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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