Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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