I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
