allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
