Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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