btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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