If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
