Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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