I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
