he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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