so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
