i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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