..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
