so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
