Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
