My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
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