From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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