i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
