dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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