you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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