I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Too much gin, very little bucket
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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