It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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