Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
