And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
