dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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