The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
