You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We left the knife in your bed.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
