I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
