OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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