I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize