If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
