please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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