This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
