my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
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